This review is transcluded from Talk:Milkie Way/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Nominator: Launchballer (talk · contribs) 22:16, 29 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: Dxneo (talk · contribs) 11:57, 1 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hello Launchballer, thank you for all your contributions on DYK. Never heard of this musician but I saw your name and I was like "why not?" I'll be reviewing this piece in the next few days. For faster reviews, see WP:GARC. dxneo (talk) 11:57, 1 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
It is reasonably well written. a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists): It is factually accurate and verifiable, as shown by a source spot-check. a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism): It is broad in its coverage. a (major aspects): b (focused): It follows the neutral point of view policy. Fair representation without bias: It is stable. No edit wars, etc.: It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate. a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall: Pass/Fail:
· · ·

Key÷

  Queries and suggestions
  Quoting from the article

Lead + quick facts

• She spent time as a model and a concert photographer, and played bass guitar as a session musician… ===> She spent time as a model and concert photographer. She also played bass guitar as a session musician…

Added, with a bit more at the start for reasons of flow.--Launchballer 13:23, 9 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Well, at PR they do not accept a comma before "and" so I suggest you remove it. dxneo (talk) 13:39, 9 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Done.--Launchballer 13:42, 9 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

• No. 19 and No. 88. I think you should write No. in full

Done.--Launchballer 13:23, 9 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

• which took Explicit: The Mixxxtape to No. 19 on the UK Rock & Metal Albums Chart in 2022 and Venom to No. 88 on the UK Albums Chart in 2023. ===> which took Explicit: The Mixxxtape (2022) to number 19 on the UK Rock & Metal Albums Chart and Venom (2023) to number 88 on the UK Albums Chart.

I honestly don't understand the above statement. I believe those are chart peaks but what took them there? dxneo (talk) 13:00, 9 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I need longer to decide whether to keep the Reading bit in that part of the article, but the rest should be done.--Launchballer 13:23, 9 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Early life and modelling

• Is that her in the opening statement? Profanity? dxneo (talk) 13:08, 9 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Apparently so according to the source. I wasn't able to find any evidence of when she started using her stage name, so here's hoping an interviewer reads her page and asks her.--Launchballer 13:23, 9 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

That is not a source but a link tree to her social or other sites. Meaning it's primary. Therefore, I suggest it be removed as well. dxneo (talk) 13:42, 9 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Cut.--Launchballer 10:36, 10 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Girl in the Pit and Wargasm

• After accruing a collection. if I may ask, what collection did she receive?. dxneo (talk) 13:38, 9 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Images. Added.--Launchballer 10:36, 10 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

• a band who took The Golden Age of Not Even Trying to No. 11 on the UK Rock & Metal Albums Chart in 2018. ===> a band who took The Golden Age of Not Even Trying (2018) to number 11 on the UK Rock & Metal Albums Chart.

Again, I don't actually comprehend the concept of someone taking a release to its peak position. Make it make sense. dxneo (talk) 13:38, 9 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

All uses of 'took' removed.--Launchballer 10:36, 10 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

• The first "R" in Riot grrrl is in uppercase. dxneo (talk) 13:38, 9 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Didn't know that. Fixed.--Launchballer 10:36, 10 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

• Replace "The pair" with a pronoun (them/they) or their names or Wargasm. I get that they launched Wargams way after they've been working together, so their names and pronouns will do just fine. dxneo (talk) 13:38, 9 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

That phrase appears several times in that section. I've taken out all but one.--Launchballer 10:36, 10 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

• The band later took Explicit: The Mixxxtape to number 19 on the UK Rock & Metal Albums Chart in 2022 and Venom to number 88 on the UK Albums Chart in 2023. ===> The band later took Explicit: The Mixxxtape (2022) to number 19 on the UK Rock & Metal Albums Chart and Venom (2023) to number 88 on the UK Albums Chart.

Please do something about this wording of someone taking a recording to its chart peak. dxneo (talk) 13:38, 9 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Done.--Launchballer 10:36, 10 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Solo music career

• This sub-section is way too unclear. The album release year aren't stated. The song featured on that band's Don't You Feel Amazing the month after, which band? No. must be written in full

I'm sorry, but I'm gonna request that this sub-section be re-written for clarity to pass. dxneo (talk) 13:38, 9 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Added "August 2021" and reordered a bit.--Launchballer 10:36, 10 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Artistry

• and when asked who her style icons were by Rokit Vintage Clothing in March 2021, she cited… ===> In March 2021, Rokit Vintage Clothing asked who her style icons were and she cited… dxneo (talk) 13:38, 9 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Done.--Launchballer 10:36, 10 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

• I honestly don't think this prose is clear to pass GA for now. Looking at multiple FAs and GAs from WP:SWIFT, WP:EILISH or anywhere, the albums are introduced like, Swift's fifth studio album, 1989 (2014), I don't see any of that here. There are also some pufferies here and there. The use of the album, the song, the band and the pair is making the prose a little bit sus and unclear. There's too much to be addressed here that I don't think can be fixed in a day or two (prose + sources). Frankly, I'm considering failing this nom but… we'll see what happens as time goes by. dxneo (talk) 13:50, 9 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I've added brackets to the two Wargasm albums, but given that I give months for the two singles I think the album should give months for their albums as well. I've also removed all of the listed 'the' phrases bar two, where they are right next to the subject (e.g. after Dead! broke up, the band's Sam Matlock). I have no idea what you mean by pufferies.--Launchballer 10:36, 10 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

References

• Refs 3, 8 and 19 are red flagged and ref 30 is a blog. any reason why you cited Twitter as a birthday source? XXL Mag is a reliable source but it's content for a birthday source was discussed here. Now where does that leave Twitter? I suggest you find a better source. dxneo (talk) 00:52, 10 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Twitter is acceptable for that claim per WP:ABOUTSELF. (Her Linktree came under that as well, although I had already cut it by the time of this comment.)--Launchballer 10:36, 10 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Ref4 requires registration, subscription level must be added, Thank you. dxneo (talk) 14:00, 10 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Or Archive.ph, both of which I've added.--Launchballer 14:04, 10 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

• As for YouTube, interviews are often looked at as primary. Still think you should look for better sources but I think I should cut you some slack on this one. dxneo (talk) 00:52, 10 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

• Ref 30 is also an interview, although it is looked upon as primary, I'll let it slide. dxneo (talk) 00:52, 10 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

OR

• To avoid OR, there must be a reference/source after every period (full stop). Rather reuse sources than to leave it blank. dxneo (talk) 00:52, 10 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Done.--Launchballer 10:36, 10 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

• Is "She moved to London to study at London College of Fashion, but dropped out due to her inability to cope with being told what to do. Shortly after dropping out, her modelling agency asked when she could move to Tokyo, as a Japanese agency was interested in signing her." all cited to a 1 hour 25 minutes video YouTube video? Facepalm . See why such sources aren't acceptable? I can't watch all of that to verify this. Please find a transcript or a written source. dxneo (talk) 00:52, 10 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

On most YouTube videos, including both of the videos in this article, there is a link that says "Show transcript" within the description. If you then "Find" the word 'college', you should find it around 1:06:58.--Launchballer 10:36, 10 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you so much, I didn't know about this. dxneo (talk) 13:56, 10 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

• Where is reference for While at university, she would make friends by attending concerts with mosh pits, which she would photograph using disposable cameras.? dxneo (talk) 00:52, 10 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Added duplicate reference.--Launchballer 10:36, 10 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

• Ref 15 is also an interview but acceptable looking at the statement it is cited to. dxneo (talk) 00:52, 10 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Plagiarism

• Violation Unlikely as Earwig finds 24.8% similarities from a Loudwire source. dxneo (talk) 00:52, 10 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

• Can't complain much as it laser-focused on the subject. dxneo (talk) 00:52, 10 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

• Can't find no trace of content dispute. Good to go. dxneo (talk) 00:52, 10 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

• Images are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions. dxneo (talk) 00:52, 10 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

• I'm just gonna put this on hold while waiting for the issues to be addressed. dxneo (talk) 00:52, 10 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

  Thank you for your hardwork Baller, you are appreciated. I didn't think you'd pull this off this quick. I will request a second opinion, best of luck. dxneo (talk) 14:17, 10 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

  I am promoting this. The review has been finished, has not been edited for 2 weeks, and does not require and second opinion. 750h+ 06:24, 24 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]